My child has got used to the exclusion we live with
Tuesday November 21, 2017
Please note that this blog might be upsetting to some
parents.
The closer I get to the school the more invisible I become.
Occasionally a parent will talk to my child, make a show of
interacting while their children stand mute, uncomprehending. The
parent will avoid eye contact with me and won't even acknowledge my
existence.
My child has got used to the exclusion we live with. Not being
invited to birthday parties, being the child they are allowed to
exclude from games and groups. My child has already said they won't
be having any more birthday parties as they have no one to invite
and even if they did, they probably wouldn't come.
Earlier parties were painful experiences where I would have to
find children to attend. At the last one like this, one child
teased my child openly and encouraged other children to do the
same. Two sisters ignored my child completely while enjoying and
joining in the teasing. They were only there for the food and the
soft play and to give their parents a break.
One parent made the effort with us, based on the premise that
they thought it would be good for their child to experience a child
like mine, for future reference, and that it would be good for me
to have their company for a prescribed time and place, as a form of
support for so long as it served a purpose for them.
Then there are the people who talk to me occasionally but only
on the understanding my child doesn't exist and I don't have any
expectations.
Last weekend we were on our own for the whole weekend and we
will be for this weekend too and probably the next one as well. I
will trawl through local events to see if there is anything we can
go to to give us some human contact and interaction. My child and I
talk about our exclusion, my child knows they are excluded and they
know I am; "they don't invite you either, do they mummy?"
If I say anything I am instructed that my child and I should
have a special group or place to go outside school or at weekends
to be with our own kind (we don't) with the inevitable inference
that we don't belong and shouldn't expect to.
We are all around you. There will be children at your child's
school like mine, parents like me. We will be excluded by you -
from communities, from institutions, from relationships. If the
exclusion and prejudice doesn't manifest itself so explicitly in
childhood it will start as the child grows up and increase into
adulthood.
We face the brunt of austerity, poverty, hardship and prejudice
and we form one of the biggest groups in the UK but you haven't
heard of us.
Is it shame that means you cannot look me in the eye? Or fear
that it could be you and it could be your child, because it could
be. It could be you.
Are you feeling isolated?
Sarah's experience is sadly one many parents will know too well.
Our research has found that 72 per
cent of parent carers experience mental ill health such as anxiety,
depression or breakdown due to isolation.
Many parents find that joining a local support group is
a great way to meet other families for friendship and support.
There are support groups all over the country, and even if there
isn't one for your child's condition, joining a pan-disability
group can be a fantastic opportunity to socialise.
You can also get in touch with one of our local
offices, which organise drop-ins, workshops and family fun days
throughout the year. We can also put you in touch with other
event-hosting organisations in the area where you might find the
chance to meet other families like your own.
Written by
Contact
at 16:59